Maria Carmen
For all my memories, Maria Carmen.
My brother Tyler was born five years after I was. I still have vivid memories of him, and the experiences I learned early on. Out of all of my memories at the age of five, there is one that sticks out most in my head. It was the day of his funeral. I understood he died, and he was not coming back from the hospital. What I did not understand was why my mom was crying and everyone was so sad. I remember being in a car with my grandma Maria. I was wearing a dress, and she was sitting next to me in the back seat holding my hand. She told me everything was going to be okay. I don’t know why this is the one memory that I carry with me, but it is. Looking back at everything that happened over my lifetime, my grandma was an important staple in my life. I grew up knowing that she was born in Spain, where she met and married my grandpa while he was in the Air Force. Traveling all over the world, they finally settled in Casper WY. I am alway proud to talk about my grandma’s heritage, and where she came from.
Every Sunday she would come over to my house after church. More often than not, she would bring doughnuts for myself and my sister and brother. We would always go home with her after we finished eating. I always enjoyed spending the day at their house. My grandma loved to make sure we were fed and full. My sister always ate way more junk food than she should, and she usually puked when we got home. There was a small canoe in the backyard that we spent hours upon hours playing on top of. Often times it was a whale, or a boat we were lost at sea on. The big choke cherry tree in the backyard provided lots of cherries for us to make all kinds of pretend desserts with. Their house was close to an elementary school. My grandma would take us on walks so we could play on the swing sets and slides. There was one time we found a horny toad and carried it all the way back to the house on a keychain. Christmas was alway our favorite time of year to go to their house. We would decorate the tree with all of her ornaments while eating homemade Christmas cookies. There would be times they were gone for months and months while they were visiting Spain. When they finally returned home, she would always have her suitcase filled with candy and souvenirs. Many of these items I still have and cherish deeply. There wasn’t a band concert or school event that she ever missed. Always coming to support me playing the flute, that I hated. We went to Disney Land, and several camping trips. She always made sure we were happy, and having fun.
As I got older, and my life was moving on, she was in the delivery room when I had my oldest, and middle child. She was able to hear their first cry, and held them for the first time. Even when my youngest was in the NICU in Denver, as soon as she had the opportunity she was there to hold him. As they got older, she continued the tradition of coming over every Sunday with doughnuts and little trinkets she found at Safeway for them. She had as special of a bond with them, as she did myself and my siblings.
In 2015 she went to get her first and only tattoo. She came up with the design, and then the artist tattooed it on her. It was of the Spanish flag, and a bull. A couple of years later, I had the same one placed on my shoulder. This one, and my crows are my favorites I wear proudly.
She loved my animals, nearly as much as I did. She enjoyed bottle feeding the cows, and goats. This year she would have truly loved to have seen the twin goats that were born.
The last few years were hard for her. The occasional thing that she would forgot, was now becoming more and more frequent. Eventually she started to forget quite a bit. Every time she came to visit me, somehow she would be able shine through. She asked about the animals and how I was doing.
This last couple of weeks she was becoming increasingly sick. The doctors were not giving her much time. Her body was so tired, and she was ready to go to sleep.
Today I gained another angle to join my brother Tyler. As sad as I am, I have several thousand memories of her. She no longer has to suffer the pain she was enduring. I am really going to miss her smile, and the way she pronounced my name with her accent. She helped shape who I am today. I know she is alway going to be here in spirit watching over all of us. I love and miss you so much, Grandma Maria.
